


Breaking Point

by Luni_Ambrose



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Break Up, Cutting, Depression, Gen, One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parabatai, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-14 09:32:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11780331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luni_Ambrose/pseuds/Luni_Ambrose
Summary: Hello...This is my first Shadowhunters fanfic so please be kindEnglish isn't my first languagePls read the tags above





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello...  
> This is my first Shadowhunters fanfic so please be kind  
> English isn't my first language 
> 
> Pls read the tags above

Alec knew that something was wrong…very wrong.. with Jace. He could feel it. He wasn't his parabatai for nothing. At first he thought it was just the whole situation with Clary but somehow he realized that there was much…much more.

It was early in the morning when Alec stepped into Jace' room. Jace seemed to be fast asleep and Alec walked straight towards his parabatai. Suddenly he noticed blood on the sheets. Gently he pulled them away, looking at Jace' body. But there was no sign of any kind of injury.  
Alec placed the sheets back over Jace before he left.

  
But it left him thinking. Something was wrong, he just had to figure it out.

The next couple days he was watching him closely. Jace was definitely jumpier, tried to avoid any kind of physical contact. And his smile was faked.  
Alec asked more than one time if something was wrong. But Jace always just laughed and turned away or simple changed the topic.

Maybe a week later Alec had enough. In the middle of the night he went to Jace's room, finding even more blood on the sheets. Gently he touched Jace‘ tight and felt something sticky. He withdrew the fingers, seeing blood on them.

  
It was enough for Alec. He grabbed his stele and tried to undo whatever Jace had done to cover the wounds. But it didn’t worked.

  
„Jace, wake up.“ Alec said with a firm voice.  
Jace opened his eyes, still very sleepy. Mhhh?“ He yawned and stretched himself.  
„We need to talk!“ Alec's voice really woke Jace up. He realized that the sheets weren’t covering him up anymore.  
„Get out, Alec!“ His voice nothing more than a dangerous growl.

  
„No, Jace. We need to talk. I beg you… tell me what is wrong with you.“  
Jace rolled his eyes. „God damn parabatai…“  
Alec smiled. „Yeah, I feel that there is something wrong but I also got eyes in my head.“

A small rune on Jace's leg started glowing and cuts and scars were visible. „That’s all you need to know, Alec. This is my problem…“  
Alec sat down on the edge of the bed, taking a closer look at the wounds. Some of them clearly older.

  
„Jace, I want to help you with whatever you’re dealing with…“ Alec grabbed Jace’s hand, his thumb gently stroking Jace’s warm skin.  
„There is nothing you could help me with. Please don’t tell anyone.“

 

Alec could see the pain in Jace’s eyes. And that was hurting him the most. Seeing his parabatai suffering and being unable to help. Or realizing his help wasn’t even something Jace wanted.

 


	2. Chapter 2

„Jace… Please.“ The fear in Alec’s voice reaching a high point, eyes starting to water. „Parabatai. If you suffer I'm suffering too. This bond is stronger than any shame… Talk to me.“

  
Jace simply just turned away and refused to say anything. After a whole hour Alec gave up. He went back to his room, grabbing his blanket and a pillow before heading back to Jace’s room.

  
„I’ll stay by your side as long as it takes to get you back out of the dark hole, Jace.“ Alec laid down right in front of Jace’s bed.

 

Alec tried not to leave Jace’s side for days.  
„Could you stop that, Alec?“ Day five. Jace was more than annoyed by Alec.  
„If you speak to me I'll do if that makes you feel better.“

  
Jace rolled his eyes, stripping his shirt and trousers before laying down in his bed. „I don’t want to talk. I just want to have five minutes for myself!“  
„To cut yourself, Jace? I feel the pain inside of your heart. It’s only growing as long as you won’t talk.“ Alec sat down on Jace’s bed, fingers traceing where he knew the scars were placed.

  
„You should spend your time with your _boyfriend_. Guess Magnus would appreciate that. At least more than I do.“ Jace glaring at his parabatai.  
„This is about you. And you still mean more to me than everyone else! I care for you, Jace! And I'll spend as much time with you as I want…as I need. I don’t want to lose you to the darkness.“

Jace simply laid down, wrapping his blanket around his body and closed his eyes. Talking time was over.  
And Alec knew he just got a nerve. He just had to figure out which.

Another three days passed by, Alec still refused to leave Jace alone. The tension incredible high between them. Most of the day everything seemed to be okay but at night Jace got depressed again. The look on his eyes, the smile…everything gone.

  
And nobody else than Alec seemed to notice it. Not even Clary.

  
It made Alec angry. The others should realize that Jace was drowning in his dark thoughts. But they didn’t.

 

That night Alec woke up because of a loud noise. The light on the nightstand was turned on and Jace’s bed was empty. Alec jumped up and saw his parabatai laying on the ground next to his bed.

  
He kneeled down next to Jace, seeing the deep, bleeding cuts on his wrist.

  
„Jace….“ He whimpered, reaching for his stele.

  
„Alec…“ Jace’s voice sounded sleepy and weak. „I… I….love…“


	3. Chapter 3

„Shhhht“ Alec quickly drawing a healing rune on his parabatai.   
Jace was just staring at him, trying to hold back the upcoming tears but he failed. He turned his head away, tears now freely running down his face. 

Alec said nothing and dragged his parabatai back into the bed. Laying down with him, arms wrapped around the shaking body. He could feel Jace relax. 

„Alec?“ Jace’s voice thick, raspy.  
„Mh?“  
„Sorry.“   
„It’s okay, Jace. I'll always be there for you. No matter what.“ He placed a gentle kiss on the blond hair.

„I love you, Alec.“ Jace whispered.

„Uhm…what?“   
Jace realized what he just said and jumped up. „Sorry… this wasn’t…what I wanted to…say… I'm… I'm a bit…off.“ Jace voice was shaking, slightly high pitched.

„Relax, Jace.“ Alec laughed a little. „We’re parabatai… this bond is so special that there is no word for what we feel for each other.. guess…guess that is something equal to love.“ 

Jace packed up and down in his room for a while before getting back into his bed.  
Alec got up to lay down on the floor.

„You can stay here.. if…if you want to.“ Jace said, smiling at Alec.  
So they shared the bed. 

One week passed by. Sharing the bed became common. Jace slowly getting better but still refused to talk to Alec about what was wrong with him. 

Alec thought that it may had to do with Jace’s relationship with Clary. But in fact he had no clue at all.

But at least Jace hadn’t tried to kill himself since that one night. Alec took it as a good sign. Little did he knew what Jace did at night…


	4. Chapter 4

Jace had drawn a sleeping rune onto Alec’s back while he was sleeping. Alec wouldn’t even notice it there and Jace could activate it at night while he was cuddling with his parabatai.

This gave him time to cut himself.

With everything sharp he found he would create new cuts. Enjoying the pain, enjoying the blood. It was like he was bleeding out his own feelings. The feelings he shouldn’t have.

Jace would clean himself afterwards, hiding the new cuts with a rune he knew Alec couldn’t deactivate.

  
He still was annoyed and a bit angry because Alec wouldn’t leave his side but in the same moment he enjoyed it. Cuddling against Alec’s bare chest at night, spending every day with him. Those looks Alec gave him. He cared so much that it was hurting Jace’s heart.

The next morning, Alec still sleeping because of Jace’s rune, Jace went to Clary. He had to end whatever they had. He wasn’t feeling any kind of love for her.

  
Somewhat she was fine with it. Maybe because she still had feelings for Simon. And the stupid daylighter was single again.

 

Jace went back to his bed, cuddling against Alec before deactivating the sleeping rune.   
The moment Alec started to move he turned away, trying to sell the cuddling as an accident like every morning.

 

„I want to let you know that I broke up with Clary…“ Jace said like he was talking about the weather.   
„I’m so sorry, Jace.“ Alec said, voice still deep and raspy.  
„No need to. It was my choice…“ And for the first time in weeks the smile on Jace’s face was real.

  
Eyes locked into each other, Jace leaning towards his parabatai and for a split second his lips touched Alec’s.

„What the fuck?“ Alec’s eyes wide in shock, hand slowly and gently touching his lips. 


	5. Chapter 5

  
„Sorry…“ Jace said, eyes watering. He jumped up,putting on his pants and a shirt, grabbing his stele and left the irritated Alec behind.

  
For the first time in days Jace was alone. Rushing past everyone, out of the institute. He wasn’t even caring about his bare feet. Mundies couldn’t see him so he was fine with it. The pain of little stones under his feet felt great.

  
Jace knew he had done something very bad, very wrong. That kiss would destroy everything he had with Alec. He was sure Alec would resend him. Alec’s heart beating only for Magnus.

Alec still sitting on the bed, shocked and irritated. His lips could feel the touch of Jace’s.

  
And out of nowhere it hit him. _He_ was the reason why Jace was depressed. _He_ was the reason why his parabatai was cutting himself, trying to _kill_ himself.

Jace had feelings for Alec.

Alec jumped out of the bed, changing into his clothes and started searching Jace in the institute. But no clue of him. Finally he checked the security cameras, watching how his parabatai left.

  
He tried to find Jace through their bond but failed. Magnus was his only chance.  
So he called him and shortly afterwards the warlock arrived.

  
„Jace is missing…“ Alec said, trying not to show how broken he was because of that.   
„Bet your little parabatai is on a date.“ Magnus rolled his eyes.

  
Something in Alec snapped. He grabbed Magnus by the arm, guiding him into his room.

  
„No. He isn’t dating, Magnus Bane. Jace is out there, trying to cut himself or kill himself! Why do you think am I spending that much time with him? I tried to _save_ him!“ Alec bursted into tears, sinking to the floor…

 

 

…he felt his parabatai rune burning.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Magnus kneeled next to Alec, trying to comfort him in any way. Alec couldn’t stop the tears.  
„He… he loves… Jace loves me…“ Alec said, gasping for air.

  
Magnus remained silent, arms wrapped around Alec. He got them both up, opening a portal.  
„Think of him….“ He whispered and after a small nod from Alec he guided them through the portal.

They ended up in a dirty, old house. Jace laying in one corner, his stele in hand. The bare chest covered in burning marks, the parabatai rune completely burned.

  
Alec ran over, Jace barely noticed him.  
„I’m here, Jace…. I'll always be.“ Alec wrapped his arms around Jace’s body, gently kissing his hairline.

  
Magnus joined them on the dirty floor, starting to heal Jace. By the time he was done Jace was asleep. The arms of Alec gave him everything he needed.

„Thank you, Magnus…“ Alec smiled at his boyfriend. The warlock simply nodded, creating a portal.  
„We’ll take him to my place.“

Just a few moments later they arrived at Magnus' flat.  
Alec placed his parabatai on the couch, sitting down on the floor right next to him. Slowly Jace started to open his eyes.

  
„Alec…“ He whispered as he saw his parabatai. Tears building in his eyes. „I love you…“  
Alec stayed silent, watching the tears slowly falling.

Magnus watched the scene silently before he used his magic to send Jace back into his dreams.

„Alexander…“ Magnus said, one hand on Alec’s shoulder. „We need to talk. He'll sleep until we found a solution.“

They talked. For hours. Trying to figure out what would be best for Jace.  
Making him forget his feelings?  
Making them go away day by day?

In the end they decided it was on Jace to decide what he wanted.  
When he was awake again he bursted into tears the moment he saw his parabatai.

  
Jace jumped up and tried to get away but Alec was faster, grabbing him by the wrist, spinning him around and somehow they ended up being dangerously close to each other.

 

Jace kissed Alec.

And Alec forgot the world around him. He even forgot about his boyfriend, standing just a few meters away.


	7. Chapter 7

For a split second he relaxed into the kiss but then realized what he was doing. Gently he pushed Jace away.  
An akward silence building in the room.

It took several minutes until Jace was the first to speak.  
„Alec… I want to leave. Now.“   
Alec felt his knees go weak because of the way Jace was looking at him. There was so much pain in Jace’s eyes. But also love. A love that shouldn’t be there.

  
All Alec could do is letting go of Jace’s wrist, slowly nodding.  
Jace left. Leaving Alec and Magnus behind.

Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec. „He needs you.“ The voice of the warlock expressing the pain they both felt.

  
„I love you, Magnus. Forever. And he knows that. Nothing in the world can change that… not even Jace.“ Alec felt the tears burning on his face but he didn’t even cared about them.

 

  
Jace didn’t knew what to do. His heart felt like it wasn’t able to contain his feelings anymore. This had to come to an end.

He was walking past everything and everyone until he reached a bridge above the railway. He thought about every moment with Alec he ever had. The good ones, the bad ones.

Theway his lips felt when they've met Alec’s. His hand reaching up to touch them. He could still feel the kiss.

 

Jace took out his stele, burning the parabatai rune again. This time much faster, hoping it would make his parabatai pass out for a moment.

  
He saw the train approaching. This was his end. And he knew it. Better for worse.  
Climbing over the barrier, just waiting for the train to be close enough.

 

  
„I love you, Alec…“ he whispered before letting go of everything, leaning forward to fly. His last thought was his parabatai.


	8. Chapter 8

Alec had passed out just like Jace wanted. The burning pain too much for him.   
Magnus catched him before he hit the floor, arms tightly wrapped around Alec as he placed them both on the couch nearby.

Gently he pushed Alec’s shirt high enough to see the parabatai rune.

  
_Fading_.

  
Within seconds it was gone.

Alec came back to live, screaming.

  
He felt it.

He felt that Jace was gone.

 

  
He screamed.

He cried.

For hours.

Magnus stayed by his side, trying to comfort his boyfriend as best as he could. But nothing in the world could take away the pain inside Alec.

  
He lost a part of himself.

  
He lost his parabatai.

  
The one person he could trust one hundred percent.

Hours later Alec passed out once again. Body too weak to scream and cry.

 

The next days looked all the same. Crying, screaming and finding comfort in Magnus‘ arms.

  
Alec knew that Jace was somewhere better now. But he missed him so much he couldn’t even find words for it.

  
It didn’t even mattered that Jace was gone, Alec still felt him. Somewhere deep down.   
The parabatai bond remained, at least in Alec’s mind, even Jace was dead.

A part of him still alive in Alec.

 

And a part of Alec had died with Jace.

 


End file.
